The Fortune

I should have known. That's all I'm sayin'. About a month ago we enjoyed a delicious takeout meal from our fav Chinese place, and my ominous fortune read: Be prepared to modify your plans. Oh how I did not realize the full impact that statement would have on our lives just a few days down the road. Ironically I celebrated the fortune at the time by displaying it prominantly on my fridge for the world to see. HA.

And now here we are. With five month old twins. Having survived a serious sleep relapse, three people at the house with double ear infections, a scary (albiet short) stint in the hospital due to RSV and pneumonia with Gabe and the crazy whirlwind of the life we live.

It has taken me a full month to recover, so to speak. Have to say that I have been extremely miserable, down and borderline depressed in these past few weeks. The hospital stay really took its toll on me, and the subsequent lack of sleep for several weeks after was grueling.

Happy to report that I think we have finally caught back up to where we were...which is twins up once at night to eat but generally happy, growing, slobbering and giggling boys. Whew.

And I am finally back to the land of the living. Seems like this week my biggest problem has been that I've failed to get up at 4am like usual to workout, so my exercise regiment is suffering a bit. Need to step it up before the big 3-0 birthday in a few short weeks. My goal was to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight by my birthday. Going to need to eat way less cupcakes and really focus on working out if that has any hope of happening. ;)

A friend called recently when I was having a particularly rough day and I actually admitted that I was down....at least down for me. I am so thankful for her. Just calling to ask how I really was and offering to help seemed to snap me from the pity party and bring my attitude into "check." No, I haven't had the greatest few weeks but I am incredibly blessed. To hear myself actually tell her that I was down was just a rude awakening. In the few days that followed I thought about that conversation multiple times. She asked what she could do to help, very genuinely. And I realized that none of my stress or frustration or even down moments are caused by something anyone else can control or help with. Maybe that is what turned on the lightbulb for me. If no one else can help, then I am the only one who has to make the decision in my head to push past the negativity and embrace it. Bring it on! I can't let myself wallow in the valleys. That's just not who I am.

So I am back (thank you Mandy for the wake up call, literally!). And still tired, although skipping workouts has helped me catch up on some great sleep. But next week begins a new childcare schedule with a nanny and daycare combo, so my house needs to be in tip top shape and I will be rising with the dawn (or before) at 4am yet again come Monday to prepare for the day.

I am reminded this week how much God carries and sustains us. Even when we don't see. He puts things in our lives to make us stronger. Despite our reservations or apprehension. Despite our fears or failures. I need to embrace who He made me to be and walk strongly whatever is ahead, knowing that I'm going to look back and think how I had no idea the blessings that were ahead.

Plans? What are those. As Tokyo Mater epically utters, "I've been modified!"