The Milking

WARNING: If talking about breastfeeding bothers you, please skip this post. I normally avoid writing about hygiene-related things, but I just cannot resist this time because for real it is all I do. So, lucky you. If you decide to keep reading you may hear things you wish you didn't know...bahaha.

While pregnant with twins, I committed to breastfeeding them. I do believe it is the best thing for them, and although I was mildly concerned, I figured that my body knew there were two babies and it would all work out.

I've talked to many parents of multiples in the last 8 months, many of whom expressed that they had attempted to breastfeed and gave up a few months into it, due to lack of sleep (meaning literally there were NO hours left to sleep once they got done feeding two babies round the clock) or lack of milk supply (they couldn't keep up with the demand). Fun, right? All of those parents when I asked questions looked me in the eye and said, "YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF A PASS." They went on to say they were so incredibly guilty about stopping breastfeeding they were just a wreck, but they just couldn't continue. They told me how much more they enjoyed the twins after they stopped stressing about breastfeeding. Sounds like fun. NOT. Yay for the encouragement, right??

Interjection here: I have already decided that if I just cannot continue nursing at some point for whatever reason, I am not going to beat myself up about it. With all that we've gone through with this pregnancy and now in the last two weeks with an early delivery and stint in the NICU, I think we are doing pretty good. And I've done the best I possibly can for them so far, I truly do believe that. So if something changes or I just cannot do it, I'm mentally okay with that, and my babies will be FINE.

Despite all the warnings, my plan all along was to start out breastfeeding, hopefully be able to nurse them at the same time for efficiency's sake and see how it goes. Ideally I was hoping to nurse at the least until I go back to work when they are three months old.

And then, of course, a curveball. They were born early. Thankfully the NICU has a breastfeeding room with pumps and encourages moms to pump immediately after delivery and throughout the NICU stay so that the preemies can have breastmilk once they start eating. Sounds great! But the reality of this round the clock pumping is honestly just no fun. Because in the NICU they don't actually want you to nurse. Instead they pour mommy's milk into bottles and feed that way, ensuring that they know exactly how much the little ones are consuming. Even further, they mix breastmilk with special 22 calorie preemie formula to guarantee that the preemie is getting enough calories and fat to grow. No joke, every time I pumped in the hospital, I gave them the bottles full of milk and they pour 475ml into a large jug, mix it up and give it to babies bottle by bottle for the next day. Good news, my babies are good eaters and kept consuming more and more every day, to where that 475ml container lasted 24 hours, then 21, then 15, then 12....you get the idea. Babies grow, babies eat more, and I am constantly in a race to pump enough for the next 12 hour stretch!

You would think that eventually the doctors would be okay with actual nursing....but no. I have nursed each baby individually and even together once (the coolest) for about 10 minutes and surprisingly the babies got it right the very first time and took off without a worry. I was shocked, because my breastfeeding experience with Sam was short-lived and just not fun for either of us. But these twins do a great job! Fantastic...except that even now that I'm home, the doctor wants me to keep feeding them the special 22 calorie breastmilk and preemie formula mix through bottles to guarantee they are getting enough calories to thrive (a.k.a. grow enough to make an appearance on the actual growth chart even at the 1 percentile).

What this means for me is that I can try to nurse them for about 5 minutes one or two times a day to help them latch and remind them it is possible. And follow that by feeding them the special milk cocktail....and then pump for 15-20 minutes. And repeat again when they are ready to eat 3 hours from the time the whole process started. Again, no fun.

One pretty amazing thing is the amount I am able to pump each time. It seriously is going up every single feeding/pumping time. At the beginning I was barely getting 40ml total and now each time I'm getting close to 120ml or more. I am keeping up with the demand of these babies, albeit BARELY. It is so crazy how your body adapts and just "knows" I guess.

So in short, I am a pumping machine. Oh wait, I forgot. I am a milking machine. :) Ben's favorite term for my constant state. It is probably because my mom picked up an awesome hands-free bustier/bra thing that I can pump with and do something else at the same time (like now by the way when I'm writing this blog post). It really does seem like I am just hooked up to a milking station.

Today at the twins' first pediatrician appointment, we were delighted to hear that my "milking" has paid off. Gabe had grown from 4lb 12oz at birth to 5lb 3oz two weeks later. Toby is up to 4lb 12oz from a birth weight of 4lb 6oz. When I explained the NICU's milk formula plan, the doctor actually stopped and looked at me and said, so you are pumping that much a DAY!!??!! When I laughed and said, yes, he looked at Ben and jokingly said I need regular massages and fresh squeezed orange juice, etc for accomplishing this crazy feat of supplying enough through pumping for two rapidly growing twin boys.

Alas, NO, I do not have to continue this craziness, but for real, what else do I have to do? I'm home. I am not working more than 15-30 minutes of catching up on emails a day. I may read one book a day which takes me about 2 hours total. I really am being pretty lazy right now. I'm mildly tired most of the day and all in all, breastmilk is the best thing for them. So I will keep up the milking for as long as I can tolerate it. Hopefully in two weeks when we go back to the pediatrician, the twins will make a blip on the growth chart and I can stop this nonsense and just nurse them, quickly, efficiently and successfully....

For now, the weight loss from pumping this much has been great....I've lost 20 pounds already and my wedding ring finally fits again. Yay for being married! Downside - I do nothing but feed and pump and repeat. Occasionally get to cuddle with the babies, but really, mostly I just feed and pump. :) And try to sneak a nap in sometime.

So in case you wonder what I'm up to with twin newborns, now you know. Here I will be. Stockpiling milk like a dairy farmer only to see every last drop consumed within a few hours...what we mommas do for our kiddos!