The Fun

Toby and Gabe are three weeks old now, so I figure I might as well answer the question I keep getting from family, friends and Facebookers....what is it like having newborn twins?

Answering that question really is impossible. I'm sure everyone's experience with infant twins is very different, depending on their expectations, whether they are first time parents, parenting styles or philosophies and much more.

For our family, I think having one child already helps significantly. We already know how hard it is with a newborn baby. We know what it is like to be sleep deprived and frustrated and every other emotion that crops up. We also know (most importantly!) that this newborn phase is SO short-lived in the grand scheme of things. This too shall pass. ;)

Unashamedly I will openly admit to catching more than a few episodes of Make Room for Multiples on TLC prior to these babies' arrival. In most circumstances from what I've gathered, bringing home multiples is a tremendous relief paired with an enormous workload. I can't say that my experience has been any different. Many of the people (okay, yes, I know they are on TV, but at least they are from all over the country and have unique stories so it is a little more reality than not) are completely overwhelmed by the chaos and in tears. Only a handful of the couples in the episodes I've seen seem to have some kind of schedule or system. These parents seem slightly less crazed.

Thankfully, I think we fall into the latter bunch. As I always say, those of you know who me know I'm a list making, organized and schedule-driven person. This has always carried over into my parenting style, so I expected it to be the case here. With Sam we implemented the Babywise model (I know there are a LOT of varied opinions on this so bear with me) upon recommendation from work colleagues and professional friends. The Babywise philosophy, at least what WE took from it, is a simple model of Feed, Wake, Sleep and also ensuring full feedings. The "schedule" part isn't as firm or rigid as some people think. It recommends feeding between 2-4 hours depending on a variety of factors (which by the way is what most pediatricians recommend anyway), but realistically, just implementing the Feed, Wake, Sleep cycle and making sure when he ate he was actually getting a full "meal" was beneficial for Sam. He was "trained" right away that night-time was for longer sleeping and daytime was for more wake-time. He slept through the night (12 hours) by three months old, but more importantly he has always been a generally happy kid and a great sleeper. Crying It Out (a term some parents are horrified with and the reason some boycott this book) is mentioned in Babywise, but it is not an integral part necessarily with the philosophy. (I will interject here that at two weeks old, Sam was getting to where he'd only fall asleep in someone's arms and I did try the Cry It Out method. It took him 1 day of mild fussiness and then like clockwork he would ALWAYS go to sleep exactly 7 minutes after crying, never fail). I digress. So anyway, with Sam we did the Babywise plan. It is generally a "schedule" based plan since it recommends the Feed, Wake, Sleep cycle and is not an "on-demand" based plan. Just our choice based on lots of research and our daily lives and needs.

For the twins I knew that eventually some sort of schedule would be beneficial. In fact, in the NICU, they get all the babies on a 3 hour feeding schedule immediately to streamline their processes AND to ensure the babies get adequate rest, take full feedings and get very little stimulation. Plus with twins, if you feed them anytime they fuss and don't try to get both babies on a similar schedule, you will literally be up 24 hours a day. Thankfully for us, the NICU had Toby & Gabe eating like clockwork after a few short days, and they have continued that trend at home.

HOWEVER, despite my desire to whip these babies into tip-top schedule shape pronto (you think I'm kidding!), there is a multiples chapter in the Babywise book, and it basically says that you have to disregard any parenting philosophy when dealing with preemies...at least until they start to actually wake up and become more like newborn infants and less like "I should still be in the womb" teeny tiny ones. When we brought the twins home from the hospital, they were typical preemies - sleeping all the time and very fussy when stimulated. Changing diapers, getting dressed, even holding them was actually more agitating than calming. As I packed away their preemie clothes yesterday and made sure the stockpile of Newborn size outfits and diapers were ready to go, I realized how much more like newborns they have become in the last week. Growing like crazy and not as fussy or as startled by everything....In the last few days Toby & Gabe have just started waking up after eating, which has been good. It has allowed me to veer in the general direction of the Babywise plan by starting to keep them awake for just a tiny bit after they eat. Then, voila, as soon as they get sleepy, we put them down for a nap and they sleep solid (generally!) until the next feeding time. Success! In turn, this allows nighttime feedings to go quickly (without waketime) and the babies are really doing great. Granted they are only three weeks old and every day is an adjustment as they are more awake and eating more.

So, what's it like at home with newborn twins? I can officially say it is a constant cycle of sleeping, crying, feeding, burping, changing, waketime (MAYBE 10 minutes of their eyes open) and sleeping again (not the adults of course!). And may we not forget the endless, mountainous, monstrous pile of laundry to keep up with the twins. I think at this point we are averaging four loads a day of clothes (both ours due to spitup, etc and theirs), burp rags, blankets, bedding, etc. Oh, and the dishes. Our babies eat around 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm, 10pm, 1am, 4am....that is 8 times a day, two bottles each time, so 16 bottles a day. Plus all the mixing supplies for the breastmilk/formula concoction we have to feed them. LOTS of dishes to do. Oh, and in case you missed my previous blog post, there is always the 20 minutes of "milking" aka pumping in between this cycle too. The babies are sleeping/sleepy about 2 hours before each next feeding, so we do have some "time." But that time is all relative. Whether we use it for laundry or dishes (which you absolutely cannot let sit for more than a few hours lest it be insurmountable...and stinky), or eating meals, or shuttling Sam to and from school, or spending time with Sam....there is just a lot to do and before we know it, it's time to start all over.

And then there's the sleep factor. It's the one thing that is the worst for me. I like a good, solid night's rest, and with any baby at home you have to throw that idea out the window. With TWO babies, it seems impossible. Thankfully, we have a pretty good system already and I have a GREAT partner. Ben has truly been wonderful, and I can honestly say I don't know how single parents do this. In case you wonder how it works for us, I do the 7pm feeding while Ben gets Sam ready for bed. Then I go to bed at the latest by 8:30pm. Ben stays up for the 10pm feeding and goes to bed before midnight. Then I take the 1am and 4am feedings. So if I can actually SLEEP between 8:30pm - 1am, I have a jump start with a few hours of sleep. Then what little snippets I can catch between 2:30 - 3:30am or after 5am is just bonus. And Ben gets a solid 6 hours after midnight before Sam gets up.

I know, sounds glamorous, right? All you without kiddos, take note. This is GOOD BIRTH CONTROL. HAHA.

In reality, I have found myself multiple times in the past few days feeding babies and burping babies...and changing babies...and just laughing with Ben. I have laughed more in the past two weeks than I have in a long time. Sometimes it is just insane trying to take care of two babies needs simultaneously...and failing miserably. But there's something very humbling and honest about just fumbling through this process together as we learn about our new sons' individual personalities and see them develop unique characteristics already. It's nice to know we made it through the newborn stage once. I am confident we are well on our way to doing it again....and in duplicate.

As I took a hiatus from writing this post to feed, Ben and were (again) laughing together as we lamented our backaches from trying to get the babies to burp (SO CHALLENGING SOMETIMES) and removed layers of clothing as our little baby ovens heated us up about 10 degrees and sweat rolled down our backs and joked with each other about looking forward (NOT) to these babies getting to be Sam's age and the truly terrible 3's...I was laughing so hard at one point my incision was screaming and tears were sprouting from the pain. I looked at Ben and said, "Isn't this so much more fun than last time?" He gave me a "you are the craziest woman on the planet" look and just smiled. "Ummm....sure. Twice as fun, right? You should put that in your blog." So I am. And it is with absolute joy and certainty that I say it really is more fun.