The Gratitude

Grateful and appreciative don't even begin to describe my thoughts and feelings. Blessed beyond belief! The twins are four weeks old today and Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Perfect time to reflect and take stock in the abundance of things to be thankful for this year....


1. Sleep
If ever there was a reminder of just how precious and amazing a full night's sleep is, please come visit my house between 1am and 5am. No really. I'll put you to good use burping. :) After having Sam nearly four years ago, sleep became one of those things I realized I had taken for granted. I'm not a lazy, sleeping-in kind of person at ALL (crazy I know but sleeping in for me is 7am). HOWEVER, normal not pregnant and not newborn twin mommy me relishes the idea of falling into bed at night and dozing. I normally go 100mph all day, and once 9pm hits I am ready for the brain to cease firing and to drift into lala land until about 5am. At which point I wake up completely alert and ready to start the day (yes, yes, I'm one of THOSE people). Not so much anymore. Pregnancy wreaked havoc on my sleep. Up at least once an hour to pee, couldn't get comfortable, etc. My beloved sleep suffered then, sure. But nothing prepares you quite like having a newborn (or 2!). For those who do not have kids, there is no amount of planning or explanation possible to describe what sleep is really, truly like with a new baby. And even those of us with kiddos tend to forget after the hazy first months pass and you have that historic "my child slept thru the night" moment (which thank GOD they do). The worst part for me is always falling back asleep after being up calming a fussy baby or changing a diaper or doing a feeding. Your mind is just active enough that by the time you get settled down you realize you only have two hours, or one hour or 45 minutes...or less...before hearing another grunt, whimper and then wail. Another doozy...when you are so tired you cannot think a coherent thought, but when you lay down and close your eyes you physically are too tired to actually fall to sleep. So you end up laying there "resting" wishing the minutes weren't passing by so quickly while you were not sleeping...and then you keep hearing a baby cry, only to glance at the monitor and realize you are imagining a cry because you are anticipating said baby to wake up! UGH! And then, sometimes, you have those treasured nights you long for (like I actually had last night!) where the baby (okay, babIES in my house) eats quickly, burps effortlessly and goes back to bed with barely a cry...and then when your head hits the pillow again you are OUT. And several hours later when the wailing starts again with hunger cries you realize that (SHOCK) you actually slept. Soundly. Restfully. Blissfully. And then when your head hits the pillow another time after a feeding, that wonderful sleep meets you again. Picture me happy, smiling and "rested" after SEVEN hours of sleep last night. Sweet!!! Again, for all you without kiddos, don't worry - this seven hours was between 8pm and 7:30am, so it's not like it is at all consecutive, but hey, you learn to cherish the snippets and count up all the sleep during the day as success.

2. Health
Yes, it seems my household (and everyone else's too apparently) has been fraught with illness in the last few months. We're passing it around like we live at a hippie commune sharing utensils and everything else (which we don't by the way in case you wondered). Despite using masks, cleaning with antibacterial wipes, removing shoes so we don't traipse germs everywhere, washing hands until our skin cracks and changing clothes often, we cannot seem to shake the crud. From pharyngitis to colds to strep to the stomach bug, we've had it all. Even through all of this, I am thankful for our health. Right now my precious tiny tots are snoozing, and I can hear their noses whistling from stuffiness. They have bad colds, but so far nothing serious. Since we've had them home, every single person who has visited ended up telling us they came down with random illnesses just a few days after visiting....so much so that we had to quarantine the house for about a week...to keep more illness out and hopefully get our household yuckies under control. Worked. Except that then I finally succumbed to it all and was down hard on Sunday night. Antibiotics in me, and few days later I'm back to "normal." All the while, babies keep trucking along with annoying colds, but again, nothing serious. And for that I am thankful. I asked the pediatrician this week at their follow up appointment if we could perhaps take them down the street to see relatives during the holidays since we knew we definitely could not take them to church or public places. His response? Um...no. Too high of a risk for them to develop the flu or RSV (which in many adults manifests as just a cough and runny nose, I guess). So, that's right, we are under strict instructions not to let these guys near anyone who even has a cough or runny nose. Um, okay. Like, that's everyone this time of year (sigh). So we will forgo holiday visits this year, skipping "pass the babies" and try to keep them as healthy as possible. I texted my sister-in-law (also pregnant!!!) yesterday giving her the lowdown and explaining that Ben and Sam would be attending some family functions but I would be staying at home....her response made me smile and was a great reminder. She said, "I'll just be thankful the little guys are here and home from the hospital." The best attitude! At one point we were going to be scheduled for a csection yesterday and in the hospital on Thanksgiving! And then at another point, we thought the babies would just now be coming home from the NICU. How much more thankful am I sitting here now in my toasty warm house with two beautiful HEALTHY baby boys. What a blessing!

3. Family
I feel like a broken record here, but I literally have no words to express how much I appreciate our support system. By that I mean family, friends and even those trusty Facebookers who have followed us on this journey, chanting support and being involved, even if just online. I truly feel like this experience has allowed us to be blessed by so many people. I'm not always one to share overly personal details of my life to everyone, but this pregnancy (and the blog!) has been a good reminder to me of how opening up about ourselves often lends itself to being cared for and touched so much more deeply by others. We truly have been supported and encouraged by everyone around us, but I do have to say specifically that I do not know what I would have done without my parents. I don't mean that to exclude anyone else who has helped (I seriously appreciate you from the bottom of my heart!!!) but my parents have selflessly dedicated themselves to providing relief and assistance. Sacrificed their time, their money, their jobs, their house, their LIVES and picked up and headed this way. And every single time they arrive, they immediately get to work for ME. For us. For our family. Honestly, they rarely spend significant time with the babies or even Sam....my dad hadn't even held one of the babies for days after they were home. That's not what it's about for them. For the last month or two, every single time they have been here, it has been nonstop dishes or laundry or errands or meals or any number of meaningless tasks that mean so very much to exhausted and overwhelmed new parents. If you ask them, they jokingly (and seriously) admit that they come to work. To help. And I just could NOT do this without them. I'm not one to accept help easily...but my dad just keeps reminding me that if Sam or Toby or Gabe ever had a need or were going through something big, wouldn't I jump in immediately and just take care of it? And, knowing I would, he just smiles, pats my back, and says, YOU ARE OUR KID!!! Wow. My parents are just awesome. And yes, I'm still a daddy's girl. ;) (And again, THANK YOU to everyone else who has come over, offered to help or brought meals or a thousand other things you have contributed to this crazy process. I have not taken any single thing for granted - THANK YOU! I am seriously so grateful and am humbled by all of you. I have bit shoes to fill to "pass it on" to others.)

4. Personality
One of the most exciting parts of the twins actually being "here" and one of the things I'm most thankful for is observing their personalities and traits and getting to know them each. It's pretty great. The twins are looking so much the same now, it is just insane. Even better, they like to position their bodies the same. They are laying here by me now and Toby changes positions while asleep. Not one minute later, Gabe (also sleeping!) moves into the exact same position Toby just assumed. And so it continues. I have taken about 10 pictures of different positions and they just keep doing the same thing. It is super freaky! How do they KNOW what each other is doing when they are sleeping?? Their bodies just do the same things naturally...so crazy. What a fun blessing to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. These identical twin boys are really going to provide us a lifetime of learning and experiencing one of the most unique and coolest things ever. The same DNA embodied in two very unique individual people. How can two tiny babies really look this similar? (We're talking down to the placement of a few stray hairs on their tiny ears or the angle of their big toes....inSANE!) Another thing to be thankful for? We get to see Sam in his role as a new big brother, asserting his independence and getting bigger by the day. Gives me a renewed appreciation for Sam's "spunk." Sometimes it comes with defiance and frustration and way too much stubbornness for his 3 almost 4 years...but if we can have one child as awesome as Sam, two more is going to be a BLAST! And again, I am so very thankful that each of my boys is going to add their individuality to this family!

I really think the list of things to be thankful for is endless. I am overwhelmed by the blessings (in many forms and not always what we expected or wanted!) God has given us in the past year and give Him all the thanks for each one. Little did we know last Thanksgiving that our lives would be totally different a year later. Praying that all of my family, friends (and yes, even all you Facebookers who creep!) embrace the blessings God has provided you this year and be truly thankful. No matter what challenges arise, God continues to be faithful in leading us through or carrying us along. The real joy and thanksgiving come when WE see the good in life's circumstances (even the crappy stuff) and find things to be thankful for.

The Fun

Toby and Gabe are three weeks old now, so I figure I might as well answer the question I keep getting from family, friends and Facebookers....what is it like having newborn twins?

Answering that question really is impossible. I'm sure everyone's experience with infant twins is very different, depending on their expectations, whether they are first time parents, parenting styles or philosophies and much more.

For our family, I think having one child already helps significantly. We already know how hard it is with a newborn baby. We know what it is like to be sleep deprived and frustrated and every other emotion that crops up. We also know (most importantly!) that this newborn phase is SO short-lived in the grand scheme of things. This too shall pass. ;)

Unashamedly I will openly admit to catching more than a few episodes of Make Room for Multiples on TLC prior to these babies' arrival. In most circumstances from what I've gathered, bringing home multiples is a tremendous relief paired with an enormous workload. I can't say that my experience has been any different. Many of the people (okay, yes, I know they are on TV, but at least they are from all over the country and have unique stories so it is a little more reality than not) are completely overwhelmed by the chaos and in tears. Only a handful of the couples in the episodes I've seen seem to have some kind of schedule or system. These parents seem slightly less crazed.

Thankfully, I think we fall into the latter bunch. As I always say, those of you know who me know I'm a list making, organized and schedule-driven person. This has always carried over into my parenting style, so I expected it to be the case here. With Sam we implemented the Babywise model (I know there are a LOT of varied opinions on this so bear with me) upon recommendation from work colleagues and professional friends. The Babywise philosophy, at least what WE took from it, is a simple model of Feed, Wake, Sleep and also ensuring full feedings. The "schedule" part isn't as firm or rigid as some people think. It recommends feeding between 2-4 hours depending on a variety of factors (which by the way is what most pediatricians recommend anyway), but realistically, just implementing the Feed, Wake, Sleep cycle and making sure when he ate he was actually getting a full "meal" was beneficial for Sam. He was "trained" right away that night-time was for longer sleeping and daytime was for more wake-time. He slept through the night (12 hours) by three months old, but more importantly he has always been a generally happy kid and a great sleeper. Crying It Out (a term some parents are horrified with and the reason some boycott this book) is mentioned in Babywise, but it is not an integral part necessarily with the philosophy. (I will interject here that at two weeks old, Sam was getting to where he'd only fall asleep in someone's arms and I did try the Cry It Out method. It took him 1 day of mild fussiness and then like clockwork he would ALWAYS go to sleep exactly 7 minutes after crying, never fail). I digress. So anyway, with Sam we did the Babywise plan. It is generally a "schedule" based plan since it recommends the Feed, Wake, Sleep cycle and is not an "on-demand" based plan. Just our choice based on lots of research and our daily lives and needs.

For the twins I knew that eventually some sort of schedule would be beneficial. In fact, in the NICU, they get all the babies on a 3 hour feeding schedule immediately to streamline their processes AND to ensure the babies get adequate rest, take full feedings and get very little stimulation. Plus with twins, if you feed them anytime they fuss and don't try to get both babies on a similar schedule, you will literally be up 24 hours a day. Thankfully for us, the NICU had Toby & Gabe eating like clockwork after a few short days, and they have continued that trend at home.

HOWEVER, despite my desire to whip these babies into tip-top schedule shape pronto (you think I'm kidding!), there is a multiples chapter in the Babywise book, and it basically says that you have to disregard any parenting philosophy when dealing with preemies...at least until they start to actually wake up and become more like newborn infants and less like "I should still be in the womb" teeny tiny ones. When we brought the twins home from the hospital, they were typical preemies - sleeping all the time and very fussy when stimulated. Changing diapers, getting dressed, even holding them was actually more agitating than calming. As I packed away their preemie clothes yesterday and made sure the stockpile of Newborn size outfits and diapers were ready to go, I realized how much more like newborns they have become in the last week. Growing like crazy and not as fussy or as startled by everything....In the last few days Toby & Gabe have just started waking up after eating, which has been good. It has allowed me to veer in the general direction of the Babywise plan by starting to keep them awake for just a tiny bit after they eat. Then, voila, as soon as they get sleepy, we put them down for a nap and they sleep solid (generally!) until the next feeding time. Success! In turn, this allows nighttime feedings to go quickly (without waketime) and the babies are really doing great. Granted they are only three weeks old and every day is an adjustment as they are more awake and eating more.

So, what's it like at home with newborn twins? I can officially say it is a constant cycle of sleeping, crying, feeding, burping, changing, waketime (MAYBE 10 minutes of their eyes open) and sleeping again (not the adults of course!). And may we not forget the endless, mountainous, monstrous pile of laundry to keep up with the twins. I think at this point we are averaging four loads a day of clothes (both ours due to spitup, etc and theirs), burp rags, blankets, bedding, etc. Oh, and the dishes. Our babies eat around 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm, 10pm, 1am, 4am....that is 8 times a day, two bottles each time, so 16 bottles a day. Plus all the mixing supplies for the breastmilk/formula concoction we have to feed them. LOTS of dishes to do. Oh, and in case you missed my previous blog post, there is always the 20 minutes of "milking" aka pumping in between this cycle too. The babies are sleeping/sleepy about 2 hours before each next feeding, so we do have some "time." But that time is all relative. Whether we use it for laundry or dishes (which you absolutely cannot let sit for more than a few hours lest it be insurmountable...and stinky), or eating meals, or shuttling Sam to and from school, or spending time with Sam....there is just a lot to do and before we know it, it's time to start all over.

And then there's the sleep factor. It's the one thing that is the worst for me. I like a good, solid night's rest, and with any baby at home you have to throw that idea out the window. With TWO babies, it seems impossible. Thankfully, we have a pretty good system already and I have a GREAT partner. Ben has truly been wonderful, and I can honestly say I don't know how single parents do this. In case you wonder how it works for us, I do the 7pm feeding while Ben gets Sam ready for bed. Then I go to bed at the latest by 8:30pm. Ben stays up for the 10pm feeding and goes to bed before midnight. Then I take the 1am and 4am feedings. So if I can actually SLEEP between 8:30pm - 1am, I have a jump start with a few hours of sleep. Then what little snippets I can catch between 2:30 - 3:30am or after 5am is just bonus. And Ben gets a solid 6 hours after midnight before Sam gets up.

I know, sounds glamorous, right? All you without kiddos, take note. This is GOOD BIRTH CONTROL. HAHA.

In reality, I have found myself multiple times in the past few days feeding babies and burping babies...and changing babies...and just laughing with Ben. I have laughed more in the past two weeks than I have in a long time. Sometimes it is just insane trying to take care of two babies needs simultaneously...and failing miserably. But there's something very humbling and honest about just fumbling through this process together as we learn about our new sons' individual personalities and see them develop unique characteristics already. It's nice to know we made it through the newborn stage once. I am confident we are well on our way to doing it again....and in duplicate.

As I took a hiatus from writing this post to feed, Ben and were (again) laughing together as we lamented our backaches from trying to get the babies to burp (SO CHALLENGING SOMETIMES) and removed layers of clothing as our little baby ovens heated us up about 10 degrees and sweat rolled down our backs and joked with each other about looking forward (NOT) to these babies getting to be Sam's age and the truly terrible 3's...I was laughing so hard at one point my incision was screaming and tears were sprouting from the pain. I looked at Ben and said, "Isn't this so much more fun than last time?" He gave me a "you are the craziest woman on the planet" look and just smiled. "Ummm....sure. Twice as fun, right? You should put that in your blog." So I am. And it is with absolute joy and certainty that I say it really is more fun.

The Milking

WARNING: If talking about breastfeeding bothers you, please skip this post. I normally avoid writing about hygiene-related things, but I just cannot resist this time because for real it is all I do. So, lucky you. If you decide to keep reading you may hear things you wish you didn't know...bahaha.

While pregnant with twins, I committed to breastfeeding them. I do believe it is the best thing for them, and although I was mildly concerned, I figured that my body knew there were two babies and it would all work out.

I've talked to many parents of multiples in the last 8 months, many of whom expressed that they had attempted to breastfeed and gave up a few months into it, due to lack of sleep (meaning literally there were NO hours left to sleep once they got done feeding two babies round the clock) or lack of milk supply (they couldn't keep up with the demand). Fun, right? All of those parents when I asked questions looked me in the eye and said, "YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF A PASS." They went on to say they were so incredibly guilty about stopping breastfeeding they were just a wreck, but they just couldn't continue. They told me how much more they enjoyed the twins after they stopped stressing about breastfeeding. Sounds like fun. NOT. Yay for the encouragement, right??

Interjection here: I have already decided that if I just cannot continue nursing at some point for whatever reason, I am not going to beat myself up about it. With all that we've gone through with this pregnancy and now in the last two weeks with an early delivery and stint in the NICU, I think we are doing pretty good. And I've done the best I possibly can for them so far, I truly do believe that. So if something changes or I just cannot do it, I'm mentally okay with that, and my babies will be FINE.

Despite all the warnings, my plan all along was to start out breastfeeding, hopefully be able to nurse them at the same time for efficiency's sake and see how it goes. Ideally I was hoping to nurse at the least until I go back to work when they are three months old.

And then, of course, a curveball. They were born early. Thankfully the NICU has a breastfeeding room with pumps and encourages moms to pump immediately after delivery and throughout the NICU stay so that the preemies can have breastmilk once they start eating. Sounds great! But the reality of this round the clock pumping is honestly just no fun. Because in the NICU they don't actually want you to nurse. Instead they pour mommy's milk into bottles and feed that way, ensuring that they know exactly how much the little ones are consuming. Even further, they mix breastmilk with special 22 calorie preemie formula to guarantee that the preemie is getting enough calories and fat to grow. No joke, every time I pumped in the hospital, I gave them the bottles full of milk and they pour 475ml into a large jug, mix it up and give it to babies bottle by bottle for the next day. Good news, my babies are good eaters and kept consuming more and more every day, to where that 475ml container lasted 24 hours, then 21, then 15, then 12....you get the idea. Babies grow, babies eat more, and I am constantly in a race to pump enough for the next 12 hour stretch!

You would think that eventually the doctors would be okay with actual nursing....but no. I have nursed each baby individually and even together once (the coolest) for about 10 minutes and surprisingly the babies got it right the very first time and took off without a worry. I was shocked, because my breastfeeding experience with Sam was short-lived and just not fun for either of us. But these twins do a great job! Fantastic...except that even now that I'm home, the doctor wants me to keep feeding them the special 22 calorie breastmilk and preemie formula mix through bottles to guarantee they are getting enough calories to thrive (a.k.a. grow enough to make an appearance on the actual growth chart even at the 1 percentile).

What this means for me is that I can try to nurse them for about 5 minutes one or two times a day to help them latch and remind them it is possible. And follow that by feeding them the special milk cocktail....and then pump for 15-20 minutes. And repeat again when they are ready to eat 3 hours from the time the whole process started. Again, no fun.

One pretty amazing thing is the amount I am able to pump each time. It seriously is going up every single feeding/pumping time. At the beginning I was barely getting 40ml total and now each time I'm getting close to 120ml or more. I am keeping up with the demand of these babies, albeit BARELY. It is so crazy how your body adapts and just "knows" I guess.

So in short, I am a pumping machine. Oh wait, I forgot. I am a milking machine. :) Ben's favorite term for my constant state. It is probably because my mom picked up an awesome hands-free bustier/bra thing that I can pump with and do something else at the same time (like now by the way when I'm writing this blog post). It really does seem like I am just hooked up to a milking station.

Today at the twins' first pediatrician appointment, we were delighted to hear that my "milking" has paid off. Gabe had grown from 4lb 12oz at birth to 5lb 3oz two weeks later. Toby is up to 4lb 12oz from a birth weight of 4lb 6oz. When I explained the NICU's milk formula plan, the doctor actually stopped and looked at me and said, so you are pumping that much a DAY!!??!! When I laughed and said, yes, he looked at Ben and jokingly said I need regular massages and fresh squeezed orange juice, etc for accomplishing this crazy feat of supplying enough through pumping for two rapidly growing twin boys.

Alas, NO, I do not have to continue this craziness, but for real, what else do I have to do? I'm home. I am not working more than 15-30 minutes of catching up on emails a day. I may read one book a day which takes me about 2 hours total. I really am being pretty lazy right now. I'm mildly tired most of the day and all in all, breastmilk is the best thing for them. So I will keep up the milking for as long as I can tolerate it. Hopefully in two weeks when we go back to the pediatrician, the twins will make a blip on the growth chart and I can stop this nonsense and just nurse them, quickly, efficiently and successfully....

For now, the weight loss from pumping this much has been great....I've lost 20 pounds already and my wedding ring finally fits again. Yay for being married! Downside - I do nothing but feed and pump and repeat. Occasionally get to cuddle with the babies, but really, mostly I just feed and pump. :) And try to sneak a nap in sometime.

So in case you wonder what I'm up to with twin newborns, now you know. Here I will be. Stockpiling milk like a dairy farmer only to see every last drop consumed within a few hours...what we mommas do for our kiddos!

The Homecoming

Nine days. And my sweet little guys are finally home with us. Yes, that's right!?! They are rockstars and blew the "2-3 weeks" out the window.

I intended to write a post all about the NICU in general as went went through it and our experience with the nurses and whole process, but before I could write it we were sent home. Not complaining!

So here it is...in retrospect:

For the sake of anyone who ever has a baby in the NICU or may be interested, just some things I feel like sharing....first off, the nurses who care for our babies are tremendous. Yes, some of them have less than pleasant personalities. Sure, some of them are a little Nazi-like when it comes to protocols (thinking here of the dictator-style nurse who told me I had to have shoes on even though I was actually still admitted to the hospital and being taken to the NICU in a wheelchair). But most, especially the good ones, are just absolutely amazing. We experienced the complete range of personalities in our nurses for the babies, but I have to say that I appreciate each and every one of them so very much. There are always things to complain about or pick at, but at the end of the day, they are supposed to care more about those babies than us! And sometimes that can rub us wrong, but again, I appreciate it. My very favorite nurse Lynette was one we had multiple times over the course of the week. Fortunately, she ended up being the nurse who discharged us and we got to know her and about her family. A testament to how awesome she is - she adopted a baby boy out of the NICU suffering from fetal alcohol syndrome even though she has teenage daughters at home. What an amazing story!

One of the most memorable (and unpleasant) things about the NICU is the constant scrutiny. You have to literally ask for permission every single time you want to see your child(ren) and that is only within the parameters of "touch time" for each baby only once every three hours. Pick up the phone, ring the desk, then they call the nurse and ask....every time. Then the scrub in. Three solid minutes of scrubbing with industrial grade soap and a scrub brush up to the elbows. Burning and itching skin for days after a few times of this. Then you walk through a maze of beeping and flashing and alarms and babies to find your bundle(s) of joy. Sometimes you see crying parents by a baby's bedside. Sometimes there are babies who seem to never get any visitors....sad. It is just overwhelming at times. So finally when you reach your baby's bedside (if and when they are allowed to be touched) you are instructed to cover with a gown and then take their temperatures, change diapers, etc. Sounds easy, except they are watching EVERY SINGLE THING you do. Then the feedings. That was probably the roughest part for us. You have these teeny tiny babies who you are desperately trying to help and they don't eat well or normally....and they are SO delicate. Ugh. They spit up and you look around hoping that no one saw. They refuse to eat anymore and you feel like you failed because you know if they do not take their "expected" feeding that is seen as a setback. AHHH. NOT FUN. We learned to ask lots of questions, especially on feeding techniques. But in the end, we just had to ignore the observing eyes and focus on caring for our babies how they taught us...waiting for the day when eventually they would be OURS. And then, all of a sudden, one day Lynette caught me in the hall with a big smile and just said....so, you ready? I said, WHAT?? That's right, we want you to go to Care By tonight. Um...okay! I about fell over. Basically that meant that the twins passed the milestones necessary to go home (full feedings, gaining weight, maintaining body temperatures, 2 hour car seat check, hearing screening, vaccines, etc). The only last remaining "test" is the Care By room. And the reality is that it is truly an evaluation of our parenting. Yikes! The standard NICU policy is that when the baby is ready to go home, they check you in to a room literally across from the NICU. They bring you the baby and you have to stay in that room for one, two, or three days and nights (however long they decide necessary). That way if you have questions, concerns, issues, the NICU nurses are across the hall. They also check vitals a few times and generally try to get you comfortable caring for the preemie by yourself. In short, it feels a whole heck of a lot like them making sure you can hack it as a parent. Not the most enjoyable experience. To top it off, the room is a square box with the worst mattress in the world and squeaky doors. Not the best environment for sleeping...for parents or babies!

One unexpected development during our NICU experience was what I like to refer to as the "crazy lady." Oh yes. (NOW, before I proceed, I know that some of my closest friends and family embrace the "attachment parenting" philosophy. In addition, I know even more people who are committed to exclusive breastfeeding and cloth diapering. I applaud them all for their decisions and respect what they have chosen. However, I do not always have the same philosophies, for various reasons. But I would hope those who know me also respect me for the decisions I have made that we feel are best for our family). I digress...as usual.... :)

So back to the crazy lady. Please don't take offense if you lean this direction.....but there was a seriously CRAZY mom we got to know through our NICU experience. She was what I like to call a tree-hugging, hippie, au naturele parent. Complete with dreadlocks, hairy armpits (no joke), all organic clothing, and yes, you guessed it, a personal vendetta against ANY and ALL people (including doctors and nurses) who tried to take care of her tiny baby (born at 29 weeks by the way) in a way that didn't jive with her philosophies. Don't get me wrong, I am ALL for exclusive breastfeeding. REALLY I am. But when the doctor tells you that your child isn't gaining weight and that they feel it is in their best interest to "fortify" your breastmilk with LESS THAN A TEASPOON of formula so that they can survive and thrive, WHY in the world would you cuss out said doctor? Again, no joke. And when you try to bring in your homemade soap to give the baby a bath or buy a pack of natural preemie diapers you purchased online from Sweden, would you not expect the NICU staff to be apprehensive about infection control, hygiene or safety? And when you would rather feed whenever you want to instead of listen to the nurses who regulate feedings in the NICU and get all the babies on the schedule immediately for their benefit....And even though she announced every single day that she was a La Leche leader and popped out the goods for her 18 month old in the waiting room about every 10 minutes (which honestly I do not mind at all), if the doctors tell you that your child has a bowel obstruction or is too unstable to hold that day, why in the world do you fight them just so YOU can breastfeed your preemie???? Even in the short time we were in the NICU waiting room and around the other families, this young mom was constantly complaining about the NICU doctors and nurses. I just did NOT understand this lady. She just very wacky. THEN, I come to find out that on her breaks from caring for her child (which she says is more important than LIFE itself and she just wants to do it HER way), she goes out to SMOKE!!! And she openly told us this...Okay...seriously? I don't get it. Pretty sure that is NOT what your tiny preemie needs when you hold him. Just sickens me. The constant F-bombs she dropped also were a little annoying...Okay, I'm done ranting. :) Just a funny example of the type of people you meet. If it is any consolation, the crazy lady's husband was extremely nice...

So sorry for the rant, people! Out of all the NICU memories, I just know I will remember this mom and her wackiness. And I will be thankful for the doctors and nurses who recommended things for our twins and since we willingly obliged they were healthy, happy and able to go home earlier. It wasn't always how I would have wanted...I didn't even get to attempt to breastfeed them until day 8, but they did great once I was able to try. I don't love pumping every 3 hours and mixing with fortifying special preemie formula instead of feeding them myself (even though they will happily eat on their own directly) just to satisfy the NICU's scrutiny of their food intake and output. And that hasn't gone away - we have to continue this pumping craziness even at home to make sure they are still gaining weight like they need to. But the reality is that we got to take them home after 9 days! We listened to the doctors, did what they said, and our babies really are better off for it. Sometimes it just isn't about what we want. Good Lord, is that not what this entire pregnancy and process has been all about?

So here I am, sitting in my living room, happy that my babies are thriving, the NICU time is just a memory and we can finally live contently as a family of 5. Thanks to the wonderful NICU, they are already on a three hour feeding schedule and basically sleep the entire rest of the time. They do great, even at night. They are eating more every time and growing exactly like they should. In fact, the twins seem to be doing even better at home, eating more each feeding and just content and peaceful.

So many things to be thankful for. Yes, the homecoming was sweet, but the best is ahead. :)