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| www.challenge.walmart.com/springfield |
Sometimes I think back to a time in my life when things seemed easier. No husband. No mortgage. No kids. Virtually no real responsibility. And somehow even when I was going through those seasons I still had confidence that the best was yet to come. I didn't really think it was easier at the time. Ever felt like that?
As I spent yesterday evening grocery shopping in the rain with tired kiddos, I almost laughed at how I actually was excited about Friday night grocery shopping night. No date night out or laughs with friends. Nope, not for us. I was happy because we were crossing something off our list early in the weekend, leaving us lots of time for cleaning house, doing mountainous piles of laundry and running around after kids the rest of Saturday and Sunday. No different than usual. That's just the season we're in.
On days when I'm anxious about bills (Yes, we are still paying off my c-section and two NICU babies more than a year later!) or worried about not having much, if any, disposable income at the end of every month, I have to consciously remind myself that I'm just 30. Our kids are young. And even though we will hit the big 10 year mark this May, our marriage is still fairly "young" in the scheme of things. It is OKAY that we don't have tons of dough. It is OKAY that we struggle and sacrifice and work really hard for the things that we want. We truly never lack the things we need.
I remember being 8 or 9 years old (I can't remember exactly which but if you ask my sister with the steel trap memory she will fill you in), living in a cramped apartment with my parents and sharing a mattress on the floor with my sister while we built our house. I remember my mom making our clothes and us never going out to eat. What I remember so vividly though isn't about the money, or lack of it. It's about the work. Hard work. And knowing that my parents were working hard to provide a better season for our family.
I reminded Ben this week that in 4 short years we will have all three kids in school. We will be a two income family once again, minus the ridiculous $500ish daycare payments every week this time around. What in the world will we do with that boost to our budget? We cannot even fathom that kind of life right now. That's okay. It's just the season we're in.
Once you move past a season, you don't usually think about returning. But this week I got the rare opportunity to celebrate my current life while channeling the Carrie of another time. Curious?
To help out a coworker working on Walmart commercial castings, I agreed to do a quick interview weeks ago. Turns out they wanted me to come in for a commercial highlighting local moms saving money. I showed up Tuesday and after a brief hair & makeup session I had one of the best days I can remember in a long time. Sure, I got paid for my time, but the real treat was a throwback to my old self. I was fun and crazy and spunky and...just...Carrie. But not the reserved, professional, polished Carrie who says the right things and acts appropriately. Nope, not her. Instead the Carrie from a different season. The Carrie from college or even before. Before the cares of the world and responsibility to act my age and job became more important than the loud, energetic, quirky and fun Carrie. Sigh. It was strangely fun and a nice change of pace. I spent 5 hours bantering with the commercial host, juggling with tomato soup and noodle-o's, dancing the chicken dance, playing peekaboo in the Walmart freezer doors and frankly making a fool of my self. They wanted big reactions? I delivered. Facial expressions and smiles? Done. Shock, Awe and Amazement? In the bag. And I walked away feeling carefree.
Sure, I'm a mom and not really a very cool one at that. But I'm also fun. Really, I am. (Why do I feel the need to convince you?) And for just a short time this week I got to be both. As the day wore on and I slowly slipped back into my normal self, I had the sinking realization that other people (i.e. people I work with and who know me professionally) were actually going to see this commercial. And soon. I cringed inside at the reactions ahead. I was totally over the top ridiculous during the shooting, but it really was just ME! Just not necessarily the "me" everyone gets to know and love on a daily basis. I've always been upbeat and bubbly, but Tuesday was really an extreme. It was reminiscent of the turbo cheerleader fun-loving Carrie that my wonderful husband met and fell in love with. I had forgotten that this person was still in there.
As the anxiety grew I found myself remembering one of the last things I said to the film crew on Tuesday. They were telling me how much fun they had and how they appreciated that they didn't have to keep telling me to smile or be expressive. They didn't have to feed me lines at all. I just went with it and had a good time. I remember telling them, "What's the point of life if you can't have a little fun and not take yourself so seriously." HA. If you really know me, that is NOT something that you'd hear me say. I am pretty much the reason someone came up with the phrase "lighten up!" Who is this person I have become and why? Is it my job, requiring me to be the professional? Is it the toil and troubles of life that have so radically worn me down? Is it the distance of my dearest friends, with whom I used to never hold back?
Somewhere along the way, the seriousness about life has infiltrated my spirit. Doesn't that happen to all of us? Hard to spend time with friends or the husband being carefree and over the top when you have LIFE to handle. Family and friends battling divorce and cancer and money and kids. So many burdens that just seem to crush us. It makes me sad.
So I'm going to own it. Yes, the commercial is a tad cheesy and totally the opposite of my strait-laced, composed, PR professional ways. But, you know what? It's just me. I had a blast.
And maybe I'm learning that the season we're in depends less on our circumstances and more on the attitude we have along the way.
www.challenge.walmart.com/springfield
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