The Rubble

Toby & Gabe 8 months

Ben and I spent two entire hours today watching Big Bang Theory episodes while all three kids napped.  As we trekked upstairs and tended to the laundry, dishes, children and life that awaited us, I laughed and Ben said, "I feel it."  Ummm...okay.  What, dude?  He said it again, "I feel it.  We are getting there.  We are coming out of it. Coming out of the dark, unhappy place. Finally."  And I actually smiled in agreement.

Been trying to get into shape, which is a terrible battle I loathe, but I've found my times of running or bike riding lately have been overwhelming filled with one particular melody playing over and over in my head.  I've found that people either love her or hate her, but Sara Groves is one of my favorite artists, not just for her voice but mostly for her lyrics.  Less Like Scars has to be one of the most influential songs of my life, considering what we've been through here lately....or maybe even longer than lately. ;)

And so this post is short and sweet. I could mention the scary family vacation that we had to leave to get emergency medical care for Gabe, who ended up staying a few days in the hospital due to pneumonia again.  I could tell you about the trip we take Wednesday to St. Louis Children's Hospital to find out if there is a lung abnormality caused by prematurity that is leading to the poor little guy struggling to breathe after a small cold and runny nose.  I could tell you about the major life decisions we have made as a family that are going to be the most difficult and the most rewarding at the same time (another post coming on this one I promise).  I could tell you about work, church and family burdens weighing me down.  But instead for tonight, I'm just going to share this.  What has helped me emerge as ME.  Helped me to look past the negativity. Helped me to get my "Carrie" perspective back.  And the funny thing is, it didn't take a friend or my kids or even my husband to snap me out of it.  It just took time and God's persistent reminder as I tried to clear my head....that the storm brings rain for a reason....and maybe, just maybe, with the right perspective, we'll all come out of this just a little stronger.

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
And more like
Character.