The First Trimester

What a relief to be writing about the last few days of my first trimester! Come Monday I am venturing into the blessed SECOND trimester and passing a major milestone in risks.

Had my second doctor's appointment today and it was uneventful but reassuring. Saw the babies doing somersaults and growing well. Things are moving along as they should. Added a few vitamins to keep up with the life these babies are sucking out of me! Also told to gain weight...eek! I knew that one was coming. It is virtually impossible to consume close to 3,000 calories a day. I really am trying but I suppose failing. I'm hungry all the time and feel like I cannot possibly eat another bite. Ugh. The scale has not budged in 4 weeks, and I need to put on some pounds for the babies...doctor told me to add 300-400 calories to what I'm eating now. Geez. I'm starting right now with a giant bowl of raspberry sherbet. I honestly never in my life thought I would have problems gaining wait.

So quick recap of the first trimester and answers to questions I get every day as people hear the "news."

Yes I am sick. Really, really awfully miserably nauseous all the time. It stinks. I've been sick now for about 8 weeks and I am so ready to be done. So much worse than with Sam. Doctor reassured me it should be going away next week - oh man I hope so. I am such a high energy, peppy and positive person. This has been a true test of that. At work and in public my attitude is that life goes on and I just push through. When we get home, I immediately collapse into pj's and lay on the couch trying not to puke. Not a pleasant way to spend the last 2 months. Also makes it difficult to be excited and motivated to do much at all. Blah. Really, Really, REALLY hoping this passes quickly. I really am not complaining. I understand that hormones cause the nausea, and it is a temporary issue that is so much worth it in the end. Still not fun.

Cravings have been so strong and what I would call "textbook." I am wanting random things at specific times, and I'm getting a little...or a lot....testy when I'm hungry, or tired, or can't get the craving I want. WOW. Hormones stink. Been a little more teary and emotional, but still haven't had a crying fit yet. So I think that's success!

I am definitely sporting a baby bump - looks about 4 months - of course I'm not that far yet. It is crazy to wake up every day and see how much bigger I have gotten. With Sam it happened so gradually and this time I am literally feeling the stretching and growing so rapidly. It is such a unique experience.

Biggest change this week was that I've been reading about consuming enough water with twins...a gallon a day is recommended. I'm a huge water drinker, for sure, but a gallon a day is just a LOT of liquid. And definitely not easy when I don't feel good. Spending lots of time running to the bathroom!

Feel like this post is complaining, but truthfully, my perspective is just rational. I know these things are happening for a reason and I'm doing all I can to be positive and take it day by day, week by week. What else can you do, right?

The Heels

We're about ready to "post" the news to Facebook...which of course means it is officially real, right? Kind of crazy that we define the reality of our lives by whether it is on Facebook. Haha. I'm somewhere between 11-12 weeks now - wanted to wait until 13 weeks and the second trimester to post the news, but since several people have said "congrats" or "heard the awesome news" already on Facebook, I figure we deserve some sort of explanation to those wondering what in the world is going on!

As we spread the word for real, if anyone is going to read this blog I better explain why I named it Shocked Mommy In Heels.

I like my shoes. :) When we moved from Michigan 5-6 years ago, I boxed up three gigantic boxes of shoes. A few garage sales and donation bags later, I was down to just one medium sized box during our more recent move to this current house. However, the smaller box was definitely filled with much more expensive tastes! I do appreciate comfort in shoes but just love heels. Stilettos, kitten heels, wedges, the classic pump. You name it, I like it. The more colorful and fun the better. I rarely splurge on any non-clearance item for my professional or casual wardrobe, but I have several pairs of shoes that were way too expensive (and worth every penny)! I have tried to find cute flats and have succeeded occasionally, but nothing beats a confidence-booster like three inch heels, a power suit and a smile. I mean, seriously. I do not consider myself a girlie-girl or a vain person, but I like to feel confident and tall...or at least tallER. People - three inches makes me over 5 feet tall!!!!

Okay, sorry, got carried away with my shoe excitement and forgot the purpose of the story. So my sister-in-law and one of my very best friends Krystal has always joked with me about my fun shoes. When I had my son three years ago, I wore the sensible Clarks every single day of my pregnancy. Comfy and stretchy for the size bigger my feet grew. This time when I found out I was pregnant, I was determined to do the comfortable shoe in a fashionable way, and I told Krystal how excited I was. I didn't plan on buying many new maternity clothes, but I was definitely going to invest in some great fun shoes to accessorize. ;) I found some Bass flats in fiery red and another pair of silver/gray flats to match a bunch of my maternity clothes. I even bought them in a 1/2 size bigger to allow for my feet to grow/swell/etc. I do love both pairs and they are actually very comfortable.

Fast forward to the day we found out about the twins. I told Krystal and we just laughed at the craziness of what lies ahead and how in the world I am going to manage twins, a three year old, a husband, a household and a very busy, successful, rewarding and great career. Her response through the giggles and disbelief was, "I can just picture you walking toward me with two babies in their car seats, one in each arm, clicking down the hallway in your heels." I laughed at that, a funny portrait of the superwoman I will have to become to live this every day in the midst of an already busy life. This will be one wild ride, and I'm fortunate to have people like Krystal and others who keep reminding me, "You can do this." I may be one shocked mommy....but maybe in 9 months or so, I'll pull out those dusty heels from the back of my closet, immerse myself back into the life I love and things will just work out. Still a shocked mommy....but at least in heels!

The List

You know it has to be a total life changer if organized, queen-of-the-list-maker me cannot focus enough in 11 weeks to make an actual TO DO list before baby...I mean...babIES. That's right. A whirlwind of thoughts and questions and craziness has consumed my already foggy preggo-brain, and I have actually avoided making The List. Those who know me well may actually be shocked. I cannot even remember a time I did not WANT to make a list.

Sure, I have a few random Word documents saved on the laptop. One called "Twins" just includes copy/pasted paragraphs from various articles about what to buy, what not to buy, what you really will need 2 of, etc. Another called "Baby Names" is pretty self explanatory; although, we've had to add some names to that one and pick TWO top ones for boy/girl depending on what we find out. At one point before we found out that this "baby" had a sibling riding along, I had created my "Needs" list that just had the basics...orthopedic black shoes (hahaha), new black maternity pants, etc. I opened that list the other day on my computer and laughed at my naivety. IF ONLY I had known when I made that list that those simple things would be the least of our needs.

Perhaps my aversion to making The List this time is because I'm also a 'check things off the list' kind of person. And right now I want to do nothing more than sit on the couch or take a nap. Can I really make a list and have it posted for me every day....will it stress me out more than help? Bottom line, I just put it off. That is, of course, until my wonderful, supportive and encouraging parents came for a weekend visit. While mom isn't much of a list-er, my dad, God love him, just knows exactly how my brain works. One of the first questions I got at dinner Friday night was, "So Carrie, have you thought about what all you need to do? Are you going to make a list?" I shamefully hung my head and admitted I'd put it off but was hoping he/they would help me wrap my head around all this. He just smiled. And of course kept asking a few times until I finally pulled out some paper and a pen on Saturday after a good lunch and a nap. :)

Let me just interject here for my gracious husband's sake: Ben is completely supportive and helpful and was just a rock star this weekend. He just did so much, and I appreciate it so much. However, he is just NOT a list person. He knows it. I know it. It's not a problem, but when I am avoiding something, Ben just isn't the person who's going to push me to make the list. In fact, I've been thinking he may actually be secretly rejoicing that I haven't already turned into taskmaster with a list of "to do's."

So, after a brief and fairly painless talk, I made The List. It is three pages, handwritten, and 100% overwhelming. It is also posted on the fridge as a constant reminder of the fun that awaits. Oh, and in case you are wondering, we got several things marked off this weekend. :) Now...THAT sounds like me.

The Questions

Well it has started. A never ending stream of questions. We informed the family (lots of laughing and shock of course) and we shared the news with bosses and a few coworkers. All in all, the responses have been funny and very encouraging. I think everyone is so happy for us....and at the same time so happy it is NOT them. HAHA. Of course now start the questions. We have so many things to decide and not a single clue what to do.

• What do we do about a car to fit our new family?


• How are we going to fit 2 cribs in the small extra bedroom?


• What do we really need and what can we get away with just ONE of?


• Do we opt for travel system car seats or stationary ones?


• How in the world are we going to pay for daycare considering it looks to be about $400 A WEEK with three kiddos under 4 years old? O.M.G. Seriously?


• Should we just get a nanny?

Ben's favorite phrase has been, "This is a game changer." So true. Everything we thought we knew and plans we had and reasons why we made the decisions we've made are all thrown out the window. It's truly a whole new game.

Not gonna lie, I'm really having a hard time getting my "baby joy" back. I had it strong through Sunday. Super nervous Monday and then the bombshell....I really truly do want to be happy and overjoyed with this news. Just trying to channel my shock into something productive, making plans and getting organized, so that I can start to really enjoy being pregnant with two awesome little ones. Still can hardly believe it.

We went for a short walk tonight while Sam was at church. I was reminded of a Bible study I did before I knew for real what we were getting into. I wrote down something like, "Why do we complain when we ask for rain and we get a storm? Don't we know that sometimes blessings come with challenges? They are still blessings!" I really need to remind myself of this when I start stressing about the tiny details.....or the bigger concerns like PLEASE GOD HELP ME CARRY THESE BABIES HEALTHY AND AS LONG AS POSSIBLE!!!

The fact is that in the last five years, we've been told that with some fertility issues kids may not happen for us, or it just may take years, or may be very difficult without "assistance." Amazing that God gave us Samuel totally natural without fertility drugs, and then again this time, even with a risk of NEVER getting pregnant again, God blesses us with two all on His own, without any fertility help at all. Wow. What do you say to that but, "Thank you." And, of course, laugh a little at God's sense of humor.

The Bombshell

Well, folks. Here it is. When I do something, I certainly give it my 110% percent. :) I'm pregnant. Not just that. It's two. That's right. TWO. For reals.

Okay, so I know you want the story.

We have an awesome three year old son, Samuel. It took us just over a year to get pregnant with him. All natural but still a long and trying journey. A few years later we decided we'd like to add to our brood. Well, actually, more like I begged my husband to try again because I didn't want Sam to be an only child. We were seeing too much "I am the center of the universe" behavior. Sam is a really awesome kid, and we were both excited about trying for another. Fast forward over a year and nothing is happening. Notta, no baby. I went to the doctor and he told me he didn't feel comfortable giving me fertility meds because of my body size. (Let me add here in case you didn't know - I am short. Not just a little short but really short. 4'11''). Doc said he felt best to not risk multiples because it would be hard on my body. (Go figure!)

So anyway, feeling down the last 6 months because all our "planning, charting, tracking, etc" just wasn't doing the trick. Now almost a year and half and no baby. Then, you know the game. I gave up trying and voila I'm pregnant. Yay, happy dance! Pee stick shows 2 lines, I call the doc, they give me an appointment in 5 weeks. YIKES. Long time to wait. Lo and behold I start feeling crappy, super tired and just really blah. Backaches and moodiness and extreme hunger. Just really opposite symptoms of when I was pregnant with Sam.

And we wait. And suffer through each day while I try to appear like I am my normal bubbly and energetic self at work....even though I'm getting waves of nausea like crazy. But I make it through, day by day, week by week.

And finally here we are. Doctor day! I'm 9 weeks along and so nervous this morning - worried that maybe I'm dreaming and that pee stick 5 weeks ago wasn't reality. Worried that something's happened and I will be getting bad news at the doctor (hahaha so little did I know)!

Husband meets me there and we are ushered in without a wait. What an excellent start to the appointment! I'm huffing and puffing from racing behind the nurse down the hallway. Stressed and nervous, blood pressure a little off, just feeling kind of overwhelmed. Doc comes in and happily chats for 15 minutes about our new condition. We discuss due date: December 6 by the way. We discuss VBAC vs. Cesarean. We discuss what not to do or eat or breathe, etc. The standard. He asks me about symptoms and concerns. I explain that I've been crazy tired and really much more sick that I was with Sam. I also told him I feel like my stomach is bigger than I was at this point. He assures me all is normal and it is good. Fast forward to small in-room ultrasound. Yay we see the baby. So detailed and the heartbeat is pumping away. Sigh of relief!!! Then, the doc goes quiet for a few minutes. He's moving the ultrasound and we see....something....else? He tells us, "I don't want to freak you out....but I need to look at this for a minute." I look at the husband and back at the screen thinking, OMG. Seriously. Then, he says it. "Well, you see that blob right...there? That's....a heartbeat. Another one." WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm pretty sure that I groaned and covered my eyes with my hands. Husband laughed. Then I laughed. Doc said the ultrasound machine wasn't very high quality and he wanted me to get a full ultrasound today so we'd know for sure....uh....whoa....what? Doc wraps up the appointment with a quick exam and says, "Well that explains it. Your uterus is measuring way bigger than 9 weeks." I'm pretty sure the only thing we really said to the doctor was, "What does this mean?" What I meant by that was (all at once): Will I be able to exercise? How much weight am I going to gain? How am I going to work and have twins? How are we going to pay for twins? ARE YOU SERIOUS??????

From here it gets fuzzy. Doc leaves and I stumble around gathering my things, looking at each other in shock and just laughing. We shuffle out and head down to the ultrasound dept. Well actually we head to the elevator, go in and stand there. It dings and the doors open. We step out and realize we didn't press any floor so it just opened up right where we started. WOW. Talk about shock. Finally make it to ultrasound and the tech confirms. Baby 'A' and 'B' are alive and kicking. Both strong, both healthy. Measuring 9 weeks 4 days and the same heartbeat - 175. Got our pictures and just kept laughing.

We manage to finish somehow with the blood draws at the lab, etc before heading to the car and just beginning to register shock.

So that's it. Two beautiful, amazing miracles and a million questions.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO????????